Sometime last year, I wrote a song for my beloved nieces and nephew entitled "The Fish." I was so inspired that I managed to complete the lyrics in a couple of sitting. There was a strange feeling within that pushed me forward into expressing in written words how I felt. It was all about love, anxiety, uncertainty, insecurity and hope summed up to create a self-fulfilling masterpiece that had me reading thru each line time and again. It somehow made me feel proud of what this inspired heart can accomplish in writing... Let me take this opportunity to publish my lyrics with my commentaries.
THE FISH
By Raoul I.
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Commentary: The title represents the kids (my wife's 3 nieces and a nephew) who have become my family since 2005. In 2007, on a Father's day weekend in Baguio, my niece gave me a leather bracelet with an engraving of a fish as design. I wore it everyday and everywhere i went. I just felt like using a title that would represent my bond with these kids.
1
Lost in the night,
You came ashore to my delight
A passerby, just as i thought
You see, life's fair, then life's not.
Commentary: When my wife's sister and her husband went abroad for work, they left behind their 4 children. These angels stayed with us and became part of my life. I thought everything will be light and easy. But naturally, since I was new to the setup, I had reservations. I pretty much knew how this will end. But i didn't have any choice.
2
We changed the rules in the middle of the game
I took over just the same.
No history, no plans
Along the wind I danced.
Commentary: Everything changed eversince.. The family of 2 became bigger in an instant. Adjustments had to be made. Weng and I did not have any experience raising children.. And there were 4 of them... ages 3, 9, 10 and 14. I had to literally dance with the wind.
Refrain:
Someday you'll leave
But I dont wanna believe
Your heart is so faraway
Everything's gonna be right someday...
Everything's gonna be right someday...
Commentary: I knew all along that they'd leave us. It was only a matter of time but I didn't want to believe... though we had our happy moments, i still felt their emptiness.. This part of the song just wants to soothe their heart with the assurance of things becoming right someday.
3
A boat without a paddle to steer
don't know if you ever wanted me here
No clues Like the summer rain.
Only a smile that conceals the pain.
Commentary: How would i love them? I didnt know them and they didnt know me... I couldnt express because i had no idea how... Do i leave them alone or constantly check on them? Did they ever want someone like me to stand father to them? I have not been a father. How would I know what's right and what's wrong for them? I could see them smile but I had no clue what's beneath.
4
Too long a time that we're together
I thought i had started somewhere.
But beyond the depth of this river.
Im lost in translation forever.
Commentary: It's been two years that they've been living with us at the time of my writing of the lyrics. I thought I already knew how to handle the whole situation. I thought I knew them long enough. I thought we're all doing fine. But still, there were tears at night. I was lost and full of guilt.
Refrain:
Someday you'll leave
But I dont wanna believe
Your heart is so faraway
Everything's gonna be right someday...
Everything's gonna be right someday...
5
Can I write you a song to sing?
to ease the burden time can bring.
would you rather talk to me each day?
or close your eyes and turn away?
Commentary: What could I do to make them happy for the meantime? I didn't even know if they needed my presence. Would it help if i talked to them? Would it matter if i showed i care?
6
I can never be the man he is
Nor the shadow of the one you miss
But I am here for your present
Trying to fill the precious moments
Commentary: As hard as i did to try to fill in... I knew i would only run short... because I could never be that great a man. I was there. I was with them on their simplest and most special days... but did they ever notice? I just hope i had done enough to make them a bit happy during those times they were with us.
Refrain:
Someday you'll leave
But I dont wanna believe
Your heart is so faraway
Everything's gonna be right someday...
Everything's gonna be right someday...
7
I dont know how but I want to give it all.
Though someday I might take a fall.
And to ask the truth I wont dare.
for fear of finding out you don't care.
Commentary: They say that when you love unconditionally, you give everything you've got. I did. Eventhough i knew that someday we'll have to part ways. I was so afraid to ask and learn the truth.. I knew my place.. just a temporary shelter.. nothing more...
8
The fish that was so free.
Gently tied around me.
But when all things become right.
I must let go and give up the fight.
Commentary: These children who have become my family as symbolized by the bracelet around my arm, will have to leave when things become right. Then I must let go.
Refrain:
Someday you'll leave
But I dont wanna believe
Your heart is so faraway
Everything's gonna be right someday...
Everything's gonna be right someday...
April 2008. After almost 3 years, the fish was free.. things have become right. These wonderful kids left for the States to reunite with their parents. And the bracelet.. I havent worn it since. Locked it safe in a place where only memoirs of yesterday would stay. As this bitter-sweet chapter closes, I'm just so glad that God has opened the door for me and my wife to pickup the pieces from where we left off a few years back and follow the pursuit of building a family i could call my very own. God bless! Please scroll down for comments... :)
Thank you!
Please scroll down for comments... :)
Thank you!
Please scroll down for comments... :)
Thank you!
Please scroll down for comments... :)
Thank you!
